FINALLY

This post was supposed to be up a long time ago, probably during 11 October after I had ended my last paper of O levels but it wasnt up because I was uploading through the phone and one phone call, the whole post was gone.

Yes I am here again, uploading through my phone but shall edit it when Im using the comp since I wanted to edit my blog properly anyway.

Hello, all bunniesxx that had been reading my wordy and long blogpost. This time round, it is also a really long post.

11October2013:
It finally marked the end of my secondary school life, the long journey that I had been walking from being alone to being with a group of friends had finally come to the end. It is the proof of the five years effort and finally, a major exams to end everything off. It was a mixed of feelings after I had ended. I was glad that I no longer had to study subjects that I dont like, for example, maths. However, at the same time, my friends and my classmates are all going to continue different path of ours. We had to continue our journey, being new journey again. The school made us all bond together but also made us part with each other. We no longer could had sit together in a class, shouting out in the middle of the lesson with stupid comments and had a laugh. No more sitting together in a class like how we used to be. I dont like this feeling of leaving the school, it make me feel that I had to go into a new world and know everyone again.

Recap of my secondary school journey:
I stepped into a school without a single friend from my primary school, I stepped into the school without knowing this school had existed even before I had stepped in. It was a mixture of feeling. I still remember my first friend that I had made, Shawn. He was unique, (well, often he was being commented as gay due to the way he walks but THAT WAS IN THE PAST), he kicked my chair to ask me for answer and he was also the very first person that told me that his first impression of me was actually a good girl. Well, it wasnt usual that I had those type of comments though. The next person I talked to was Keyuan, cause he was sitting beside Shawn. He was notorious for his sarcastic remarks and a good gamer for sure. I am pretty sure I had made quite a lot of good friends from this school even though they were mostly guys. I had the sense of feeling happy that I had blended in with the guys. Probably this is because I had always been able to get along with guys more than girls and hence at some point of time, I was often being judged as slutty(?) I act like a guy (tomboy) but dressed scantily and hence the remarks? I went from this clique to another but stick in a clique that is mostly guys, (okay, not mostly cause Im the only girl in the clique) but I felt happy in there. I tried hanging out with the girls but not for long cause it doesnt feel like how I am supposed to be. I dont like shopping in the past but now shopping is my habit already. :) But soon, in sec 3, I made a girl friend, Jane. She was the only girl that I could properly gets along with, we gossiped together, shopped together and we eat together. Just that we didnt sleep together or did we? Hmmm.., dont quite remember. Okay, an inside joke: I had friends suspecting that Im a lesbian cause I acted like manly to girls and to them, it is how a lesbian always be. This always made me laugh, so being more manly than normal girls are lesbian?? It makes no sense to me at all. Back to the topic, I probably enjoyed the days I had in sec 3 and sec 4, not that I dont enjoy my life in sec 5 but those moments held the most important memory I could ever have.

12 October 2013:
I went out with Jane to had my interview done at Wingtai and met up with Chi Han afterwards to get her prom things. We went shopping at Bugis and it was enjoyable. Chi Han completely looked like a Korean and she wore the prom dress that she bought, it makes me feel like she came out from a fairytale. We shopped for her dress, and shoes but of course, she is still missing a bag that she could use during the prom and also getting make up stuffs.  Keyuan was with us and he also got his prom night stuffs ready. He was complaining to me that he got all his things in a shop but we girls had to travel practically the entire Bugis to get what we want. Well, that is why we are called girls but not guys. We had our dinner at Bugis Junction. I ate yakisoba from Food Junction which doesnt taste pleasant to me at all. I only wanted to eat yakisoba cause of the crayon shin-chan movie I watched the day before. It is all a lie, yakisoba doesnt sounds as nice as they made the show. Okay, probably I was gulliable enough to trust a cartoon. After that Chi Han went home with her mom while we continued to walk around Bugis for a while before heading home.

13 October 2013:
Well, well, well, I went to Bugis street again but this time, I went with Adrian and his girlfriend. We were looking around for Adrian's prom night stuffs. Inside joke: We went into this shop to get Adrian's blazer. The auntie was asking him whether he has a girlfriend, and Adrian pointed to the girlfriend. I believed the auntie had a shock of her life, she practically leapt a step behind and asked, where did you get such a pretty girlfriend??!  Her expression was funny, and I wished that I could had capture that moment. Afterwards, we went over to Centrepoint and I took this chance to visit my old colleagues at work and I only managed to see one of them sadly. In the end, it was me serving Adrian instead of my old colleague since I was so used to serving customers and unwrapping the packaging of the clothes. After that, we headed off to JEM because I had things to do at there and we went our seperate ways after that.

I shall skip 14 October 2013 because I was in a pretty foul mood that entire day but I dyed my hair to copper red on that day at a salon near Redhill mrt, the service was pretty good and the results came out just like how I wanted it to be. I cant quite remember the salon name so I would do an edit some other days on the name of the salon. The auntie was chatty with you and you wouldnt feel bored.

The next few days, my schedule was pretty tight cause I had too many things to settle and I am lagging behind the time. I still had to get my make up stuffs.

Okay, this is a super long post but that is all, goodnight all bunniesxx. Time check: 0218. Sleep early too! Love'ya

Longed for this

Hello, bunniesxx!

When was the last time I actually did a serious post? It had been long, really long.

What had I been up to these days? I'm pretty sure that I had been wasting my time away pretty much on taking transports.

Well, school had been hard for me to catch up. I cant kick off my night-owl habit of not sleeping late. I tend to oversleep in the morning because I had been sleeping late. Well, I did tried to attend school at least three times a week. I did it without much effort. I went to school, paid a little of attention before zooming into lala-land. It sounds so much like me, sleep through the lessons. I did managed to buck up for few days, focusing on maths practices. After that, we attended a motivational talk by Ernest - Superteen workshop. Skills were taught but I guess my memory skills are alright to cope with huge amount of notes. After these few days of talk, my motivational mode went back to 0 instead of improving, probably because I didnt studied for quite a bit so I cant get motivated again. After that, it had been between school and school. It is boring. Oh, still had to help out with dad's work which is kind of leading me into stressed mode.

Probably I had not mentioned before, I had a boyfriend and it had been going well for 2 months plus. I am pretty much attached to him, and literally had to see him every day. I can stand a day, but not for two or three days because I am clingy. It was a funny relationship, and I doubt any of my friends would had expected this.
A guardian angel that got send to me by God to protect me, care for me and give me a lending shoulders when I need help. He isn't the kind of ideal boyfriend that anyone would had wanted. It didnt matter to me much, because I knew that if he could understand me, it would be enough. I guess it is true that a guy before and after being together are different. 结婚前和结婚后的男人都不一样。 It means a guy before and after marriage arent the same. In my opinion, I think cause they felt you already belonged to them, it doesnt matter if they let you know everything about them, their bad habits, etc. I still enjoyed the way he treats me, it might not be the best but it is definitely not the worst.
The methods of love are shown differently, so it doesnt matter how, it just matters on the amount of efforts and the sincerity.
I wasnt a very sophiscated girl. In everyone's eyes, I am more of a classic tomboy who kept long hair. I wasnt very lady-like, the only positive thing about me is probably my looks that prove that I am a woman after all. For my boyfriend, he is special because he didnt mind the way I interacted with my best friends who is a guy, he just let me be myself and never constrains me. I always bullied him because I am the bully and he is the victim all the time because he bullied me verbally, I did it physically. It is truly amazing that a proper relationships can set so many things differently.

Probably, that's all. I had to head off to bed, more updates as soon as I had the time? I had been busy with school and social life. Bye, bunniesxx, sweet dreams to my bunniesxx readers!

Insominia

Hello, peepos.

Guess what I am doing at 3am? Lying on the bed and updating my blog through my phone like usual because I am too LAZY to on the computer and sit in front of it all day long and edit all my photos.

I was studying for my prelims earlier on, and yes, I am studying for my worse subject for once, physics. All i am hoping is that i would understand the theory part and then managed to score at least a decent marks, it doesnt matter even if i failed, it looks better than F9 anyway. I think if the way I translate the notes into my thinking, literally it became something really epic. I cooked up an entire story for the emwaves so that I could get the sequence and usage right. Instead of the abbreviations like what we usually do, i used the usage and form a story. It is super cool, and I think maybe I would end up the only person giggling during the paper then everyone would thought that I am mentally unfit and would send me into IMH, ohmygodddd! I dont want to happen  because it would mean I cant drive and also, I cant own a house and I had to keep on moving house if I am staying by myself. Ohmygoddddd, I dont want all that to happen to me. Okay, I am indeed over-stressed.

My health hasnt been at the peak, but I guess this is the last rush I am going to give for my O level. After i get through all these craps, I am going to have an easy lightweight. This is what people had been telling me. I decided to trust them and trust my future choice.

A few more hours before my maths paper starts, I hope I would not fall asleep for my maths paper. It would be like a total waste of my effort for not sleeping and trying to study really hard for it. WASTEDDDDDD MUCHHHHHH. Okay, so I guess I need no food to keep me through. I was considering taking a short nap, but I am worry that if I take a short nap and it turned out that I would overslept, isnt it even more terrible? I guess I would rather not sleep than to oversleep probably. Okay, I had been too busy to take any selfie of myself so I apologise for this wordy post. Next post would definitely be really full of pictures that could lit you guys up :)

Mistrust and suspicious

Hello, peepos. How are you guys doing? Right on the track? :)

Well, as my post title suggests, I would be talking about about mistrust and suspicious between friends, parents and also boy-girl relationship.

Let's start off with trust issue with the most common of all, the friends. Who in this world can live without friends? All of them would yearn to have a friend with them. What happens if the trust between friends are broken? Trust is given, and gained. However, there are times when people tend to not cherish the trust. There are those who did it on purpose and also those by accident. Who would be the one that did it by accident? I personally believe that everyone deserve a second chance. A chance was given on the first time, taking it as an accident. What happen if the same thing happen over and over again? It can't be an accident, no longer one in this sense. Forgiving aren't a long time solution, the best would be talk things out. Find the root of the problems, is it because of different stand? Is it because of different mindset? Things definitely would not go the way we expected but understanding would do. In friendship, i believe that if you have any doubts, do thrash things out. There is no point about asking anyone outside of this friendship, it is just causing more suspicious. At this rate, the friendship could easily be destroyed because it simply isn't strong enough to substain any damages to be done to it. Not to forget, friendship is not a token for betting, not something you could had put it on the edge of the peak, unless you would like to lose the friendship.

"WHERE HAD YOU BEEN?!" Does this sounds familiar to you? This is the question that most of us had been faced with the parents. Parents' trust, it is hard to earn but easily to break. There are times when we felt that when we spoke the truth, they refused to believe but when we lied, they believe every single word we said. Why? They had their own thinkings, and they find it hard to believe when the words that you had said, it doesn't matched their thoughts, and thus they would suspect you lying off to them. I know some parents would actually start reading off their kids' messages but doesn't it caused the kids to feel even negative towards the parents? Children would go through a stage of rebellious moment, such as lying to the parents. If these aren't handled carefully, the child would drift further apart. Parents' trust, their attention, their time are all important to the kids. No one would like to get scolded but instead, all teenagers like me, are just asking for a peaceful day out together. It is just that day, going outdoor, watch a short movie, but definitely not the type that parents would be suspecting you having a boyfriend, and kept on scolding you. Parents with too many restrictions may not seems to be benefiting the child. Let's have a scenario: Parent A is always restricting the child from trying new things, protecting the child from many people. In the end, the child one day would still had to be an adult but he/she doesn't understand how the world would go about and would often not understand how did the things work in this way. Through this, the child would had a lot more to learn when he/she is older.

Boy-girl relationship, the last of all before this naggy post is finally ending. Well, trust is definitely important in this relationship. I bet boys wouldn't want a girlfriend who suspect you daily that you are flirting with whichever girl and so on. A girl's trust is not easily earned but it depends on how the boy treat the girl. No girls like the boyfriend lying to them, so take caution, boys. Girls are usually oversensitive, they tend to overthink because they did not want their feelings to be hurt. Trust issues are extrmely the main point. If there is no trust between the couple, arguments and quarrels are all it is going to be in this relationship. Boys, think before you act. You might not think that what you are doing would hurt the girl but you never know how the girl thinks. Girls, just don't be overly-suspecting. It would really harm the relationship, because no one would want to figure out your worries every single day, not even your parents.

FINALLY THIS POST HAD ENDED. Goodnight, peepos. I am going to turn in early as I was tired out these few days. Lastly, a selfie of myself and check out my instagram: @twlre and also twitter!

My next update would either be on my prelims or my buys that I had purchased over these two months :)

The only difference is how much

Hello!


I had been depressed (?) recently. I am not quite srue why, probably just a routine girl's thing.

Well, I realised that people around me are changing so fast that I am not sure if I would be able to keep up with their changes. I'm confused. Friends started to drift apart, unable to communicate like before. Even when we hanged out together, things were never like before. It had changed, truly changed. I had changed, maybe the changes all started out with me. I changed my attitude towards them, I became colder towards them. That's why they changed.

Sometimes, I just want to be myself but then I realised that I no longer lived in a fairytale world where I can be myself without any troubles, no worries that people would start to hate me because I am just being myself. This whole drama is complicated, isn't it? I wanted to be pure, inncoent, naive or simple-minded. I am simple-minded, but at times, I tried to cover it up by thinking of excuses so that people would think that I am in fact scheming, so I would not come into harm. Maybe this is the way that I used to protect myself from the outside world. I don't like to be in a competition, I see no need for a win or a lose, the main thing is that the process had to be enjoyable.

A lot of my friends always thought that I am smart, and my results came effortless. However, if you knew me when I was so much younger, maybe you would realise, I am not smart at all. I remember very clearly when I was in Primary 1, the moment when I had to put in a lot of hard work to understand English because at that moment, it is the first time I came in touch into English for real. Not to forget, I can't differentiate b and d, and only able to differentiate it much later. I am a much slower learner than everyone else, I take time. I always had my exams failed, and the only time when I can do my exams well would be during Chinese, because my first language was Chinese in PAP. My classmates were Chinese, my teachers were Chinese and my Principal in Kindergarden were all Chinese, I hardly had the need to use any English, despite we had English Spellings, but I always failed it. It kind of not bothered me. I had not been gifted, I put in more effort in the past to really pull my studies up. Most of the people could see that I don't have good foundation, I just applied the formulas in the way that I see how they did it and I copied and translate to my own language which no other could understand because it is an alien language. I did this for work as well, when customers asked me for materials of the shirt, I remembered in my own ways.

Probably, that's what make me unique from the rest. I talk in a most boy-ish ways, I can't stand being girlish unless it is out of fun. I will freak out, I think I am weird to act like a girl. But now, I began to make changes. I started to wear dress, skirts, instead of plainly shorts daily. I started to wear heels, in fact, I love heels.

"Your efforts will not be futile, if you put in the effort, people can't just ignore it because it really existed."
"Time to work hard, time to play hard. Get your time right and you are gonna be alright."


Right now, I will need to concentrate on my studies fully. I need to put in my utmost effort to get into the course I want and to prove to people who always looked down on me that I could not do well because of the way I act and the way I talk and some even judge me by the way I look, I can prove to them that they are all wrong. I had always been told that I looked like a girl gangster, and probably my grades could not be any better. I acted like one too. But is that how they judge one person? Grades? I can prove to you all that the way I act and talked, doesn't affect the way I do my exams. If I did it well, means I copied? What sorcery is this world living in?

Oh ya, the haze. Well, Singapore is having the haze and so many people are complaining about it. I hate it too, cause it caused irritation to my nose and throats but really, it is just okay if I am not going to leave my house for days till the PSI is back to healthy range.

GOODBYEEEEEE, LOVE ALL MY READERS BUT I DOUBT I HAD ANY. :P

It will never be the same again.

" Once it is tainted, it will always be tainted, no matter how hard you teiwd to remove it away. "

Hello, people. Yes, I am back to blogging again. Well, do follow me on instagram and twitter @twlre.

Just a side note, do you guys know the new mall at Jurong East had been opened already? Some of them still had not got the news yet though. Well, it was opened on Saturday but being a lazy me, I went on Sunday instead. (Im just working, not being lazy anymore). Newly opened mall means got sales, plus now is during the GREAT SINGAPORE SALES period, the things are really cheap. I went to H&M and bought an oversized cut out back pull-over, it is really cute. I had already camwhored with it. Also, i bought a bag, it is like those classic bag with two straps and you had to pull from both side to close it. I think it reminds me of my childhood which is a really cute thing. The prints on it are so pretty, but my cousin said it is ugly though. :( After that, i headed off to Lovisa which is previously known as Diva and bought a cross bling ear cuff, which is really a cute thingggg.

I had been working for 3 days and had a few days off because I am tired plus there are part-timers to take over my job, which is kind of a good deal. I'm considering if I should work tomorrow, this is a tough choice to make. Work tomorrow means I would had money. :(

I had a make-up test try today, it had been long since I last applied make-up. Well, it isnt hard to link at all. I only applied make-up when I am cosplaying so ever since i quitted cosplaying, ( taking a break from cosplay sounds better), I hadnt been putting any make-up on my face. I think it worked out quite fine :)

Mom had been nagging me for days, I was on the phone practically every single day from morning till night, but it is being called from the other party, which meant i didnt had to pay, but she is still hurping on the fact that I am always on my phone. Okay, I am getting kinda listless even though it is only 630pm. I slept quite late last night but still woke up pretty early due to body clock. :(

Okay, more updates next time.

I've changed.

Hello!

Well, this post is probably about the amount of changes I had made these past year from how I used to be till now.

In primary school, I used to be a bitch. I was a trusting bitch, i trusted everyone till I was in Primary 6 where I knew the meaning of betrayal. I betrayed some of my friends' trust to gain other friends. This made me a bitch. I knew I was wrong. I am also a very tomboy girl. I usually treated girls with more care and guys in a more rough way. I got into trouble with the police when I am around 11 going to 12. I hanged out with some people from my school and we built a bond between us but this bond was gone really fast. Oh, and I had boyfriends at primary school as well! I was amazed. Well, puppy love is what it is about.

In secondary 1, I was still getting used to my new school. I still hung out with my old clique from primary school, meeting them on Fridays usually. In my new school, I started off with an all girls clique because I had never been in an all girls clique before. After that, I hang out with guys, the entire clique are all guys except for me. I also started mixing with another clique from another class. I was close with them, you can says, somehow I became a delinquent. My studies went downhill (probably it had never went "uphill" before) and I got into trouble with DM together with some of the guys from my class as well. I had became worst. At the same time, I faced betrayal. I dont want to go into details of my experience with betrayal. I also faced two-timed experience for relationships. Hell lot I went through. Later on, I got caught by my dad for smoking. I was forced to quit, and so did I. Yeah, 13 years old and quit smoking. Afterwards, I've changed. My studies improved gradually, I was amazed. My teachers started to think that I can do it. I worked hard. The entire sec 2-4 life, I managed to stay out of troubles. My friends came and went off. Relationships, I was never in a stable one. None lasted more than probably 2 months. I've stopped falling in love, but I just desired for someone t care for me, love me and probably that's all I craved for.

This year, I've changed once again. Not sure for the better or for worse. Okay, that's all. Bye :)